W hen Nic Sheff snorted a line of meth, he felt whole for the first time.

"There was a feeling like -- my God, this is what I've been missing my entire life," Sheff writes in "Tweak: Growing Up on Methamphetamines."

He was 18.

Sheff spent the next five years trying to recapture that feeling. He stole from his family, his job and his friends, ran away, got arrested, was beaten and robbed, prostituted himself on the streets of San Francisco, and was in and out of hospitals and treatment centers, risking death, having breakdowns and getting sober and relapsing again. It was typical addict behavior, an everyday tragedy familiar to millions of drug users around the world, different only in the details and the articulate way Sheff describes it.

There's another difference. Sheff and his father, journalist David Sheff, have been traveling the country, talking about addiction and the way it tears families apart. David Sheff's written a book called "Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Meth Addiction" that's the latest title in Starbucks' book program. The Sheffs have taped a segment on "Oprah" and been profiled in People magazine, where Nic's mother, Vicki Sheff-Cahan, is a writer. It feels surreal to Nic Sheff -- not that he's complaining.

"Touring has been super-weird, to an extreme," he said. "I'm in all these nice hotels with room service and they're all 'Can I help you, Mr. Sheff?' When I was using I couldn't even get in the door in places like this."

Nic Sheff's 25 and has been clean for a little more than two years. He went through rehab five times and understands the basics: Addiction is a disease, there is no cure, relapse is always possible. Sharing his story isn't always easy but is helpful for himself and others, and it provides an unusual way to reconnect with his father.

"I never imagined anything like this would happen," said David Sheff, whose article "My Addicted Son," written for The New York Times Magazine in 2005, attracted an overwhelming response. "I still get letters from that article every day, and now when we do appearances people come up to me and tell the most heartbreaking stories. It's intense and remarkable."

Nic Sheff was a precocious, gifted, sensitive kid who bounced back and forth between Los Angeles and the San Francisco Bay Area after his parents' divorce. He got drunk for the first time at 11, was smoking pot daily when he was 12 and moved on to cocaine and ecstasy in high school. A high-achieving addict, he was published in Newsweek in high school and was admitted to the University of California at Berkeley before drugs completely took over his life. He found himself in destructive relationships as a young adult, and used meth, cocaine and heroin until his body gave out.

"I had these feelings inside -- I felt scared and confused, unsure all the time," Nic Sheff said. "I always tried to kill those feelings through exercising compulsively or smoking pot or doing meth or whatever. Now I'm all about openness. It's OK to feel scared. The way to get through it is not to mask it."

David Sheff's reaction as he saw Nic drift away and fall apart was to blame himself and to do everything he could to save his son. He made mistakes, like every other parent, but it took years to understand he didn't cause Nic's addiction and couldn't stop him from taking drugs. The parent of a child with cancer doesn't take the blame and doesn't feel shame about a child's condition. The parent of an addict never knows what to expect.

"There's ample evidence that many children use drugs to self-medicate for depression, not to mention a host of mental-health disorders," David Sheff writes in "Beautiful Boy." "The drugs they take may become the focal point both for kids and their parents, but they may be masking deeper or conjoined problems. How can a parent know?"

David Sheff has conducted dozens of interviews for Playboy, including the famous interviews with John Lennon and Yoko Ono in 1980, and knows how to ask questions. His research led him to places that were personally uncomfortable -- divorce can have negative, long-lasting effects on a child, marijuana is a gateway drug, parental drug use is a serious problem. He wishes he would have gotten Nic into long-term treatment before he turned 18. He understands recovery is an ongoing process and a relapse is part of that. He believes in rehab and in talking to kids early and often about drugs. He strongly believes meth is an enormous health and social issue.

"There can't be enough written about it," he said. "As a journalist, I saw this as an opportunity and a responsibility to tell the story of a significant problem that was emerging."

It's easy for a parent to become obsessed with a child's drug problem, to the exclusion of their own health and at the expense of their spouse and other children. Becoming addicted to the addiction does nobody any good, especially the addict. Take care of yourself, David Sheff said, then try to help others. And don't be shy.

"In AA, they say you're only as sick as your secrets," he said. "Telling this story in public has been hugely healing for me. There's no more pretending it doesn't exist. There's not one bad thing about it. That part of it is healthy in a weird way."

David Sheff said he never would have written a word about Nic's drug problem without the agreement and support of his wife and children, Nic's mother and Nic. Father and son decided they wouldn't censor each other and would let inconsistencies stand as the products of differing memories. Even so, reading each other's book was incredibly difficult.

"I thought I knew how bad it was, but in my worst nightmares I couldn't have imagined what actually happened," David Sheff said. "He was in so much more mortal peril so many more times than I ever knew. It was almost unbearable to read, almost too much. I'm proud of him for telling the truth."

Nic Sheff said the same thing: "He sent me a copy before it was published and I read the whole thing without a pause and then burst into tears. I knew in the abstract what I put him and his family through, but to read it was really painful. I'm so sorry for what I did."

Nic Sheff lives in Savannah, Ga., and wants to continue writing and maybe go back to school. He's simplified his life and tries to enjoy each moment.

"I know I could lose everything, and it makes me want to fight to stay sober," he said.

Jeff Baker: 503-221-8165; jbaker@news.oregonian.com

 

The phone usually rings for David Winn on Father's Day, and it did last year. Only it was not from his son, Robert, but about him.

Robert, high on methamphetamine, dived out of a third-story window and landed head first. David's only son was brain dead at age 38.

"Devastating," said David Winn, 58, of Prescott Valley.

Robert's meth addiction is a snapshot of a statewide problem that is having far-reaching impacts on law enforcement, family life, neighborhoods and rehab facilities.

Now, Arizona broadcasters and police agencies are teaming up to do something about it.

Tuesday, nearly every network-affiliated or independent television station in the state will broadcast the documentary Crystal Darkness. A few radio stations, both English and Spanish, will also broadcast the program. Crystal Darkness DVDs will be shipped to remote areas where television service is spotty.

"We're trying to cover every base," said John Misner, general manager at Channel 12 (KPNX).

The air time has been donated. The cooperation among competing stations is unprecedented. The program has been broadcast previously in other cities and regions, but never statewide.

The half-hour telecast is meant to spur conversation, encourage people to seek help and shine a light on the leading drug law-enforcement problem in the country.

Communities throughout the state will hold town-hall meetings for residents, schools will hold viewing sessions, and churches have organized community gatherings to provide settings for discussion after the telecast. Phone banks will take calls from anyone who has questions or is seeking help.

The idea is to get people talking about methamphetamine.

Wide impact

Meth has had a crippling impact, from dangerous labs that produce it to the crimes of those trying to support their habits. But understanding the magnitude of the drug's grip can be difficult for those unaffected by it.

Chris Crockett, commander of public affairs for Phoenix police, is well aware of meth's tremendous punch. Crockett said 60 percent of violent and non-violent crimes in Arizona are tied to meth, and nearly two-thirds of the state's child abuse and neglect cases are related to meth.

The show is geared to kids in their early teens, those in junior high and older. If it seems young, Robert Winn was 12 when he started using meth. He wasn't an anomaly.

In 2006, meth use among Arizona eighth-graders rose to 2.6 percent, according to local law-enforcement reports compiled by Crystal Darkness. Five percent of tenth-graders reported using meth, and 6.6 percent of high-school seniors used the drug.

Lee Pioske, executive director at the Phoenix-based Crossroads Inc. rehab facility, said statistics show that the drug is becoming more popular among young people.

Meth is a synthetic stimulant that makes users feel good and energized. It's made from amphetamine, and other household products.

Meth can be swallowed, smoked, injected and snorted. The drug releases high levels of dopamine, which stimulates brain cells and otherwise makes you happy. The high can last up to 24 hours.

A repeat meth user loses the ability to produce dopamine organically. The only way to reach that feeling is by using more meth.

When users are off the drug, they often experience depression. Robert Winn did. Even with several visits to rehab, he still returned to meth.

"The drug is so powerful," David Winn said. "It reaches in with a hand and grabs your mind. You almost need 24-hour supervision to get off that stuff."

Show's reach

Arizona broadcasters are hoping the severity of the state's meth problem, and Tuesday's media blitz, will convince people to pay attention.

Other cities have participated in the Crystal Darkness campaign with measurable success. When the documentary aired in Las Vegas, it became the city's most-watched television program ever. About 200 calls poured into phone banks when the show aired in northern Nevada. And 100 calls were received the next day.

When the show aired on about six stations in San Diego in December, it reached 76,000 households, or about 13 percent of television-viewing households at the time, according to San Diego Drug Enforcement Administration spokesperson Eileen Zeidler.

Call centers received 471 calls that night. Months later, they are still getting calls requesting copies of the program on DVD.

Zeidler called the campaign a success but predicted the reaction in Arizona would be amplified because more broadcasters are involved.

Craig Allen, an associate professor at Arizona State University's Walter Cronkite School of Journalism and Mass Communication, said it's a nice thought to believe that a media blitz will force people to watch the program.

But he said that even a massive simulcast can't guarantee viewership. Too many people have too many other channels to choose from, not to mention the daily distractions of life, dinner, a long commute and family time, he said.

Allen said a simulcast might be more effective later in the evening, in prime time, once everyone is home from work, school and done with dinner.

Allen also questioned why crystal meth is receiving such attention, when there are equally troubling problems that need attention.

"If they do it for one, they need to do it for every other problem," Allen said, suggesting the issues of global warming and other substances that are abused. "That's not to undercut the problem. All the problems need equal consideration."

Crockett labeled the broadcast a "once in a lifetime" event, citing the cooperation among law enforcement, broadcasters, service providers and the community. Misner said he felt gratified just seeing every other general manager at competing television stations jump onboard.

"With many of us, there's so little we can do about the bad things that are happening," Misner said. "This is an actionable thing (we can do) . . . as broadcasters."

If you have questions or are in crisis, please call 888-METH-AID. The Crystal Darkness phone line is open until 11 tonight. If it's an emergency situation call 911.